She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
