it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My penis needs a shock collar
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
