Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
