I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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