I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
