My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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