So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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