DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
