it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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