I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
