1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
