Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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