the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
