I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
