im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
