just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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