watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
