whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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