We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
