is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
