She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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