Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
