if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
