The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
