do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
