too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
