She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
