I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
