TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
