so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
