well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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