I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
