do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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