how can u be prego again
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He passed out mid-signature
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
