Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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