of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
