Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
