just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
