my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
