I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
