Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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