I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
