who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
