He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
