I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
