so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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