i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
