Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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