Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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