why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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