Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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