Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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