He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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