shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
