sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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